On weekends and summertime I would stay out at the farm with my great grandparents. My great grandpa and great uncle would molest me as a child. This stopped when they both passed away. I was 9 years old when my great grandpa died. I was sitting beside him on his bed cause he asked for me to come to him. He couldn't walk and he was in a wheelchair. He smiled and touched my cheek and died. My great grandma sent me to the neighbors down the road to get help. And I walked slow praying he would die. For years I blamed myself for his death. I pretended alot to be dead as a child by laying on the floor real still with my eyes shut.

After school each day I threw a paper route from the time I was 8 until I was 13 years old. My head went through the bag where there was a bag on my front and the back of my body. It was very heavy and hard to carry cause I was so little. I remember everyone saying how small and cute I was carrying the huge bag. I done two paper routes alone walking. I also sometimes collected money for my mother from a can she gave me with MS on it. I was always ashamed to do this but I had no choice or face abuse, so I did whatever she asked me to do. My sisters were also forced to do the routes at first but when they got older and started to rebel against our mother and brother. She would also make us wait hand and foot on our brother and if we did not we would be abused.

In Jr. High I got into alot of fights because kids would tease and make fun of me. I would also pass out at school alot. I believe this was from my brother and his friend twisting up towels and putting them around my neck and twisting them until I passed out. I told some friends at school about the abuse at home. When my mother found out she made me go tell them I was lying and that it wasn't true. I dreamed of being a teacher when I grew up but it didn't take long for this dream to be shattered by my family's voices.

When I was 14 years old I came home from school and my mother had a suitcase packed. There were two men wearing suits there and they took me to a children's home. I cried and begged my mother not to send me away but she didn't hear me. I lived in the children's home almost a year. A state employee that worked the weekend as a house parent, spent all weekend getting drunk and sitting outside my room door trying to get me to open so he could have sex with me. I stayed in my room with the dresser up against the door the entire weekend until staff returned on Monday. I told them what had happen. I don't know what happen to the man.

When I was 15 years old I was really drunk one night and stop by where my dad worked as a bartender to find a ride. My dad didn't care if we drank at any age. He and his friends at the bar just laughed cause I was so drunk. A friend of my dad's said he would give me a ride. He took me out to this river and raped me and told me not to tell anyone. I didn't for many years because I was use to the abuse.

When I was 16 years old I got married to a man. He was an alcoholic and abusive to me. After we were married for 6 months I found out from his mother he had spent time in prison for molesting his neighbor's child in California. I was shock, hurt and felted betrayed that he did this and never told me. I left him and hitchhiked clear to Michigan to get away from him.

When I was 17 years old I found out I was pregnant. I told my mother and she slapped me across the face. I also told my baby's dad and he gave me money for an abortion but I decided to keep my baby. I had a baby girl when I was 18. I cried and cried because I was afraid what had happen to me as a child would happen to her and I didnt know how to protect her. I had my own place and was trying to do better but my past kept haunting me. I couldn't get away from it no matter how hard I tried.

When I was 19 I got pregnant again. And her dad was in and out of prison. I ended up moving in with another man. We were engaged to be married. After I gave birth to my daughter and when she was three weeks old and my other daughter was 2 years old. The man I was engaged to pulled a gun on me and put it to my head and ask me if I was afraid to die? I said no. He pulled the trigger and the gun jammed. He then went and sat on the couch and looked at me and said he loved me and shot himself in the head and died. I went into a mental hospital after this cause I tried to kill myself. After this I went in and out of mental hospitals and jails.

Not long after I got out of the mental hopsital I started seeing a man who was seperated from his wife. He who supplied me drugs. He told me he was a pastor and showed me his license. He was a pastor over a big homeless shelter in the city. We would shoot up and get high and watch TBN. He left and went back to his wife and shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant by him. He tried to hire someone to kill me so his wife would not find out about the pregnacy. He would leave thretening messages for me. I had my son when I was 21 years old. I had my tubes tied so I would not have anymore children. I continued to sleep with alot of different men looking for someone to love me.

I ended up marrying another man who an alocholic, drug addict, been in prison twice, and was extremely abusive. Our marriage didn't even last but a few months and I divorced him and married another man which became my third husband. He too was abusive, an alcoholic and drug addict. I had to get a protective order on both these men. My third husband would stalk me. He was caught by police trying to pour gasoline around my house while my children and I were sleeping. I just kept picking the same type of men who would abuse me.

I started getting into church and stop drinking and drugging. I was still haunted by my past. I was in counseling still and on meds. I was afraid most the time. The church ended up asking me not to come there cause my third ex-husband caused so much trouble with me at the church. I ended up returning to the sinful lifestyle and not long I was with another man who was a drug dealer and on parole.

I began to sell drugs with this man and we ended up getting busted by three counties. He went back to pirson for the third time. I was facing 10 years of prison and there was a contract on my life from the drug dealers over us. I has to get my children and me off the streets. I ended up going to A.A. and got int oa treatment center with my children. I was there for five months.

I ended up going to court for the drug felony charges and instrad of getting prison I got 3 years of probation and was ordered to complete my treatment. I ended up breaking it off with the man I was busted with. I became an A.A. guru going to 2 to 3 meetings a day also going to several different churches. I was seeking and struggling with my past and mental issues. I tried to take my life by cutting up my arms with a box knife. That is when Jesus intervined in my life and it began to change.

I ended up meeting a man in A.A. who I went to Jr. High with. We ended up getting married and he had two sons. I started homeschool all the children. We hada 4 bed house, a painting business together. We went to church and A.A. meeting regularly together. I thought this would be my last marriage and it would be wonderful cause we were both christians, so I thought. Things didnt get better but got worse. I was trying to get sin out of my life but my husband wasn't ready for this. He had a problem with money and gambling. We ended up seperating and within the week he was seeing a 18 year old and divorced me and married her.

It took me a few years to get over this heartache but it flung me into the arms of Jesus Christ. I spent alot of time crying out to God and studying the Word. In 1999 I ended up getting a computer and went into my first chatroom called "JESUS IS" and start ministrying to people in there. We ended up moving the chatroom to Yahoo and it was there for 2 1/2 years. I met two other sisters there (Sosower & Rd) and they began to help minister in the chatroom also. We ended up moving it to Paltalk and have been there ever since.

I met brother Mike in April 2001 and we were married in July 2001. We became ordained pastors and continued the ministry called Jesus Is God Ministries and Sisters in Spirit Ministries. We will be celebrating the ministry's 10th anniversary in November 2009. We have ministered on the streets together for many years and raised and honeschooled all our the children. We now have four grandchildren.

My step sons Krys & Kyle still stayed in contact with us through the years. They always considered me their mother and my children their siblings. In 2004, when they were 14 & 15 years old they were with their older brother Matt and the truck broke down. They were walking to get help with a drunk driver hit them head on and killed both my step sons. This was one of the hardest things for my family and I to go through. We miss them so much and think about them often and have many wonderful memories with them.

I have been in mental hospitals many times over the years. The doctors said I had bipolar, PSTD, paranoid scizoprenic, panic attacks, I was a cutter, suicidal and on many different medications (zofloft, paxil, trazodone, lithium, celexa, xanxa, prozac, effexor, wellbutrin & tricyclic) until I truly met Jesus. I am no longer mentally ill, alcoholic, drug addict, no meds, no cutting, no voices, no flashbacks, no panic attacks. I have been set FREE by Jesus Christ!

We are still very strong in the ministry. I have been delievered from alcohol, drugs, self-harm, prostitution, medications, mental illness, prison and so much more. I am the woman at the well with five husbands, the prostitute at Jesus feet, I am the man in the tombs cutting himself with stones, I am the adulterer they wanted to stone to death and Jesus said "Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. If you take the time to stop by you will find us still ministrying stronger than ever for the Lord at PalTalk. My nick there is Word Walker. I know longer see salvation as something far out of my reach because now I am living it!