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Posted: 10/21/2008 6:51:16 AM
Hi Kim,
Thanks so much for the friend request. I read your testimony and it touched my heart so much hearing all God has done in your life. You are such a beautiful woman and I pray God continues to reveal more and more of Himself to you and through you.
Take care my friend,
Michele
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| Status Update |
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Scott is playing with his new Zune! :) 17 hours ago...
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Scott is sore from snowshoeing! 56 hours ago...
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Scott hopes everyone has a wonderful and Blessed New Year! 115 hours ago...
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jones is on fasing prayer for three days for the children in difficult situation.remember me in ur p 177 hours ago...
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deep condoloences sara, take courage Jesus loves you 224 hours ago...
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| Kim's Testimony |
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I could write books about what God has done for me and my testimony is still being written.
I am the youngest of three children. I have one brother and one sister. They grew up as the best of friends and they tell me that when they found out that my mother was pregnant they were upset, not wanting anything to change. However, once I arrived they were thrilled (so proud of me in fact that when my sister was in elementary school the teacher gave the class permission to bring their pets to school for “Show and Tell” on the last day of school…and my sister took me!)
As a child I was extremely shy. I had no self esteem whatsoever. I just wanted to be invisible. I was a lonely kid and as a pre-teen would have bouts of depression. I was a “latch key kid” before the term was invented. I had no supervision before or after school. I had to get myself off to school in the mornings...before I could even tell time. After school I parked in front of the TV and turned to food for comfort. By the time I was in 2nd grade I already weighed 130 pounds. As I grew up my mother often told me what a beautiful face I had but because of my weight no one would ever want me. When I was eleven years old she took me to a doctor to be put on a diet. Because of the ignorance of the practice in those days the doctor put me on amphetamines to help me lose weight. I can actually remember “speeding” on those pills. I had to go each week to weigh in – at which time I would either hear his praises or his reprimands. It wasn’t successful over the long term so when I was thirteen she took me to Weight Watchers. I was the youngest in the group and the leader took me on as her personal “assignment” which turned out to be a negative experience.
My father was what I call a “full blown” alcoholic - the type of guy that goes to the store one day to buy some milk with all the family money in his pocket and doesn’t show up for three days…no milk and the money completely gone after going on a drinking binge. When he was drunk he was mean and violent…crazy violent. I distinctly remember one time…I was about 6 years old and some friends and I were going to walk to the ice cream store a couple of blocks away. While my friends waited outside I went into the house to get a quarter from my mother. I started calling for her when I got in the door, asking for money. From the kitchen I heard her yelling and telling me to get the money and leave. I continued on in the house and when I got to the kitchen I found her down on her hands and knees. My dad was towering over her – one leg straddled on each side of her and he had a butcher knife in each hand. She was crying and she just kept telling me to get the money and go.
What I remember most about our home was the lack of any sense of safety or security. Until I was six years old I refused to go to sleep unless someone was holding my hand while I fell asleep. My happiest memories of that time period are typical children’s memories of Christmas, Santa Claus and food…food became my best friend and greatest comfort. The more out of control my environment became, the more I felt the need to eat and comfort myself.
I think I was about five or six years old when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He was in and out of hospitals quite frequently. Many times the doctors thought it would be his last trip to the hospital but he often managed to come home. Each time he was admitted it would mean I would be spending many nights alone in the hospital “visitor’s area.” I spent most of that time watching TV and eating lots of junk food at the hospital snack bar. Back in those days children weren’t allowed in the patient’s room, however, on occasion I was allowed to see my dad - I soon learned that meant they weren’t expecting him to live long.
I remember one of those times when he was quite sick and was at home: For some reason I was home alone with my dad - he was supposed to be “watching” me. There was a cot set up in the living room for him to sleep on at night. On this particular night he was quite ill and he was sleeping on the cot. I sat beside him on a chair and watched his chest to make sure it would continue to rise and fall because I was very scared that he would die while I was alone with him and I wouldn’t know what to do.
He wasn’t able to work the last couple of years of his life and he quit drinking. The violence had stopped and so had most of the fighting. He was home all the time but I don’t remember any “close” times with him. I remember him doing three kind things for me during that time: he designed and built a swing set for me, he gave me money so I could walk to the store with my friends to buy candy and he bought me pencils. I don’t remember my father ever hugging me or telling me he loved me. I do remember he was a strict disciplinarian and because of this I never crossed him. My father died when I was eight years old. I have felt and known his absence my whole life. All I ever wanted was a father to love me and protect me. When I was a young teenager I used to go to bed at night and visualize what my life would be like if I had had a father. When I turned sixteen and got my driver’s license I would to go to my father’s grave. I would stare at his name on his tombstone and wonder who I was – I felt like because I had no father, I had no identity. My father did receive Christ on his death bed and I do look forward to meeting him in heaven. I am thankful that I now have an identity through my Heavenly Father.
When I was four years old I began being molested by my maternal Grandfather. There are many incidents in my family that reveal that my grandfather was a pedophile…of course that term didn’t exist then. Early in my walk with God he took me through a long process of healing concerning the abuse. During that process I learned many things about the error in the coping skills I had developed to deal with the abuse. I also came to realize that the abuse was not my fault. I can honestly say I have forgiven my grandfather. I know I will see him in heaven. He did receive Christ a few years before his passing.
That molestation experience altered my whole perspective of me and my family. Early in my life, at an age when the soul really is incapable of making such evaluations and decisions, I decided I was the only person I could trust and I had to protect myself because no one else would. I built up walls and decided not to let anyone get close to me.
When I was ten years old my mother remarried. I was very upset because the man she married was an alcoholic and although she wasn’t abusing it, she had started drinking too. To complicate matters the man she married was formerly married to my dad’s sister. It created a whole family fight that separated me from my dad’s side of the family permanently. The years living in the house with my stepdad were difficult years for me. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. By the time I was twelve he was calling me terrible names. He didn’t have any children and he was jealous of my mother’s love for me. We argued every night. I was so angry with my mother for choosing him as her husband. My daily life was a constant reminder to me that her happiness was more important to her than my happiness and it made me angry.
By the time I was a senior in high school I was away from home as much as I could be. It was during this time that I began to run around with some people that introduced me to the whole drug culture. By this time I had so much pain locked up inside and I was just looking for a way to make it go away. For seven years I became heavily involved in alcohol and drugs, taking anything I could get my hands on. During that time I lost sight of every hope and dream I ever had. I created my own family with my friends and I began to separate myself from my real family as much as I possibly could. They were a painful reminder to me of my empty life. At the end of seven years I came to a horrible realization: I had tried everything within my power to bring happiness to myself and nothing worked and I was out of options. I realized I was very unhappy and that realization scared me. I began to think about suicide when I heard a voice speak to me and tell me that I didn’t have to be unhappy that there was Jesus. I recognized that voice when I heard it. I soon gave my heart to the Lord.
One year later. I married my best friend of four years. Randy had also given his heart to the Lord about the same time that I did. At the time I married Randy he knew nothing of my history of pain and abuse. Of course I came to the marriage with all that baggage. Early in the marriage God had told him that something very dark had happened to me and he was going to heal me of it. Randy walked through the process of the healing with me and was very patient and loving.
As a young Christian I still struggled with fear and self esteem issues. I was still an extremely shy person. But as God began to reveal to me who I am in Jesus Christ and the power of His Word those things began to leave.
I can honestly say I did not know happiness until I came to the Lord. The only good memories I have are the ones since my salvation. Jesus is the love of my life.
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Kim's Testimony Info
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Which categories of people did you belonged to before you were saved?
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The Partier, The Abused
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| Who have been your best examples? |
Jesus Christ,
My husband Randy
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| List books, music or ministries that have helped your walk: |
Books: The Bible.
Ministries:Kenneth & Gloria Copeland,Kenneth E Hagin, Faith Christian Fellowship Church Int'l and Ministry Coaching Int'l
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| List ministries you are involved with: |
Jubilee Bible Church,
Faith Christian Fellowship Int'l
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| List ministry websites: |
jubileebiblechurch.org
myspace.com/jubileebiblechurch
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Church:
Church website:
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| Prayer requests: |
For the body of Christ to grow up and mature and truly become a Godly force in this earth, winning the lost and living victoriously.
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| Occupation/Business/School: |
Children's Pastor
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| Business Website: |
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