My Testimony

Have you ever felt like your life was a big dark swirling tornado that is sucking you in deeper & deeper? I have had that feeling a lot.

I was violent physically, emotionally, and verbally throughout my daily life. I had no self-limits or self-goals. I was sad, lonely, and depressed. I never really thought there was anything missing in my life. God was there but, I only cared when I was upset. I didn’t think the whole God thing was that important. I just thought it was all about me and living my life anyway I wanted.

I first started coming to a local youth group at the beginning of 7^th grade.

At youth group I learned about God, that I should take Jesus as my personal savior. If I decided that I would like to accept Jesus into my life I would have eternal life and forgiveness from all my sins. On Jan 17^th, 2005 I had my interview for Mission Seminar Ministries. Mission Seminar is a program for teens who want to learn how to serve God and others in and outside their communities. I was interviewed by my pastor. He asked some questions about salvation and about what it means. Salvation is when you ask Jesus into your heart and life. My pastor talked to me more about Jesus after the following Wednesday’s meeting. He told me about being saved, and how I could learn about it by reading from the bible. Some verses that helped me were Romans 3:23 and Romans 6:23. Romans 3:23 says “Because all people have sinned, they have fallen short of the glory of God.” Romans 6:23 says “For the payment of sin is death...”  I have learned that I have a sin nature which means I was born into sin. I also learned that salvation is extremely important. I found out that I had to accept that Jesus Christ died for me and saved me from all my sins. On January 19^th, 2005 at 9:15 pm I confirmed my faith in Jesus Christ. I then learned about the 3 main things I needed to know.

I am staring now to realize what is right and wrong. I have started to train myself to fit God’s commands. I am now more active in my faith and more willing to serve God and others. I want to learn more and more about God & his commands for me & how to be a follower of him. I am still somewhat not emotionally stable. I am less violent since I have found faith and truth. I just recently lost my mom to terminal cancer on February 4^th, 2006. I am just trying to go to God more and trust in him. It is so hard to be positive all the time. I have been in a mental hospital in April of 2006 for 2 weeks in a row for wanting to kill myself. I just have these thoughts sometimes that if I kill myself it will end my hurt, grief, and pain. I want to kill myself sometimes because I want to see my mom again. But, God has helped me fight those feelings and temptations time and time again. In the hospital I got to know God a lot better. He has opened my eyes and heart to so much. It is just so amazing and powerful. I am slowly healing because of the Lord Jesus being in my life. I still feel like hurting myself sometimes but, not as much. I have been trying to set self-limits and self-goals. I still feel like my life is a big dark swirling tornado. I still feel depressed, lonely, etc. When I get upset I just pray and tell myself I am not alone. I now believe I have some self-control in my life. I give all my thanks to Jesus Christ for dying for me & shedding his blood & saving me from all my sins. I am so glad that I now have the strength and faith because of him. My life has changed so much since my mom’s death & the hospital. God has really been showing me all the things that he commands of me & all the stuff I need to grow in him. I can’t even begin to explain all the amazing things God has done for me. I don’t know where I would be now without him. Asking God into my heart is one of the best decisions I ever made.

I hope this has sparked some questions and or thoughts about God in your and heart. If you ever want to talk about God or how to have a personal relationship with him, please ask me about it. I am definitely willing to talk with you about God any time.