Looking at the categories of The Square, The Musician, etc. I feel as I could check every box because in one way or another most of them do apply.

 

My salvation story will never change but I wanted to edit this profile because a lot of things have happened since that could be deemed worthy of front page news.

 

Here is a recap of my salvation story...

I was about 8 years old when my father asked my Pentacostal neighbor if I could go to church with them. We weren't doing academically well in school at that time which for my dad meant we werent getting A B honor roll so my dad felt as if church would straighten us out. I was doing my best but it wasnt good enough for him, I guess.

I began going to church with my neighbors and immediately all I felt was this oddness of the people around me. For a younger kid, it was all pretty creepy. I cant honestly say it was the church that made me want to be close to God, because mostly during that time in the church, I was more of a spectator. I didnt like that the women were required to wear dresses, not cut their hair, not wear makeup. It was a trapped feeling I couldnt get away from which now I can see was legalism. But during the times that people would get in the Spirit and start speaking in tongues, it would just amaze me at the power of God that would start to manifest for the people who were serious about seeking God.  I saw people throwing up bile from years of smoking and people being healed of all sorts of things. I believe that time of my life was more of a time of God planting seeds that later He would develop.

As I grew older, I began to question faith in God through Jesus Christ. Sure I wanted a relationship with God, but I didnt really see how God could restrict people to one way and one way only. I also felt really bad about people who were homosexuals being cast out of church. Not that I was gay, I just felt bad for those who were because I didn't want to think that there was a God who hates people for their lifestyle choices. I didn't get it the holiness of God at the time, so I just wanted to find my own way by searching out churches that agreed with my way of thinking. I guess I figured that God was like a Sims character, you could make Him to be however you wanted Him to be. But I never stopped believing that there was a way.

When I was about 16 years old, I was taking Humanities in high school, and we would always begin talking about God. Lots of high schoolers from Godless homes talking and reflecting on a God who is plain to see but making it harder than it has to be. Its a lot to take in for someone who has no Christian experience except for going to church when I was kid and no formal Bible knowledge. My parents were non practicing Catholics, but with their lack of instruction, how was I supposed to respond to situations like that? How was I supposed to fight on the side that there was a God if I wasnt even so sure myself?

I had a lot of brokenness in my life as well. My dad was very physically, mentally and verbally abusive ALL of my life. I internalized all of that anger and rage and somewhere along the line I wasnt going to hate him, I would hate myself. As I grew older and insecurity got the best of me, I flip flopped from anorexia/bulimia to deal with it all. I didnt believe that it was a sin, because I wasnt hurting anyone else, so why did it matter?

At my high school, there was a bible study that would met across the street every wednesday where they would serve pizza and talk about God. I see now God was putting Himself right in the middle of my circumstance offering me the answer to my hearts cry which was longing to be free from confusion. People at school were confusing me, the world was confusing me, my dad was confusing me by speaking evil things over my life.

One day at home, getting ready to go to work I was vomiting in my bathroom and I just about reached my breaking point. I prayed "God if You are REAL and You care about me as a person than please show me the way to serve You and if You do, I promise You that I will follow You the rest of my life."

A few minutes later, I started feeling sick and I went to my room and laid down and called into work. I was feeling so miserable, I just wanted to die.

A little while later, there was a knock at the front door. I ignored it for awhile, and just was like someone else will answer it, but everyone else was gone. They were pretty persistent so I finally got up and answered it. At my doorstep were two young boys standing at the doorstep from a Baptist church with their Bible in their hands coming to my door to ask if I was saved and if I knew God. Upon first glance, I didnt even remember my prayer but than it dawned on me, I had prayed for these people to come! I had prayed that God would show me the way, and He answered! He really DID care about me as an individual human being and DID care enough about me to answer a searching and doubting heart. What a loving and wonderful God we serve!

 

Since that day, I have made a lot of mistakes but God has never failed to bring me back under His grace. I have overcome bulimia, I have left men who I have cared about, but were godless, I have met a wonderful Christian man who shows what God's love is all about, I have been in the army and gotten out, I have been through my husbands 1 year deployment, I have had two wonderful little boys but most of all, I have experienced Gods great, merciful and unrelenting love. I have gotten what I wanted, and have gotten what I did NOT want but its all been for good. As in the words of Hillsong United, "In every season, I know You love me."

 

 

There is also one thing I would like to add for baby Christians, those who know Jesus and have just been saved. God WILL take you back to confront your pain. God will take the time to heal you from your past and even from low self esteem but it takes a lot of time and patience to allow Him to complete this work. Be patient in the times where God may not seem to be doing anything because it is in those times, He wants you to rest in Him. Dont jump ahead of God! Allow yourself to fall deeper in love with Him at those times because they are precious.