My sisters and I were removed from her care and placed in the foster care system where for years we were passed around like bedraggled dolls through several foster homes sometimes being separated. My childhood is more like a slideshow rather than memories, I only remember bits and pieces. My dad was non-existent as he had many opportunities to rescue us from foster care but never made an attempt. My only memory of my father was seeing the back of his lights brighten as he pulled away standing outside on a porch and hearing someone say, "Wave bye-bye to your daddy, Katrina."

 

My mother was released from prison and eventually earned re-unification custody. Everything was good for awhile but over time, her old habits and demons caught up with her again. No sooner than my mother was released, my father was sent to prison. He was sentenced to sixty years, too for homicide. My hopes of ever getting to know my father were going to have to be during prison visits. Again, we lived in severe poverty and never really stayed in one place for long, at times living in vacant homes. As for utilities, if we had lights, we had no heat, if we had heat; we had no water and so on. I often lived in a fantasy world which was both bad and good. It created a vision and escape for a better life but it often made me naive due to the Disney movies that brainwashed me into thinking that someday prince charming was going to ride up on his white horse and save me.

 

I stayed out of trouble and as I got older I knew one thing, I wanted out of there. In high school I signed up for every after school activity I could to avoid going home. My dreams soon came to a halt when I found myself pregnant during my junior year. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I did know that I was going to keep my child. I fell in love her the first time I laid eyes on her. I dropped out of school because I had to get a job but I went to get my GED immediately because I knew if I didn't do it then, I probably never would, there would always be an excuse. I worked hard to provide for us but I always had a weakness for the opposite sex. Was it because I was looking for love and family? The fantasy world that I had dreamed of? Trying to fill a void? I don't know, but it always seemed that the wrong ones slithered like serpents into my life and then slithered back out like nothing happened. I was left with the scars that they left behind.

 

Due to my thirst for love and family, another serpent slithered in and I found myself again, pregnant at 20 years old and gave birth to my second daughter. The relationship with her father was on and off for many years. My low self esteem and insecurities haunted me so I would accept things that should have been unacceptable. Even with the dysfunction, I accepted it because something dysfunctional was better than nothing. So again, I found myself pregnant with my 3rd child at 23 and gave birth to a son. Their father sooned disappeared just like everyone else.

 

So there I was, a product of the system, 23, 3 kids, no man, no education. I was another sad statistic in the eyes of society, a lost cause and I believed it. Until...One night when God revealed himself to me. I was laying in bed crying and praying because I had just lost my job, my account had a negative balance, my car was just towed away for non-payment, there was an eviction notice on my door, all of my utilities were about to be disconnected and the refrigerator and cabinets were empty. After crying myself to sleep, I heard a voice jerk me out of my sleep yelling, "Katrina, wake up, get up and go write down what you want out of life! I have plans for you.” (Jeremiah 29:11) I got up immediately, wrote down everything I wanted to accomplish and I prioritized each one. Some were small and some were large. I applied for all of the assistance that I could, started a new job, took the bus until I could afford a car and before I knew it, my situation had improved.

 

From that day on I made an attempt every day to do something productive to move closer to my goals. Even though I had no formal education, I was always a hard worker. I was dependable, a quick learner, I had tenacity and I always maintained a positive attitude which will take you very far in all aspects of life. Those qualities would get me promoted again and again. Over the years I built years of solid experience and work history. That would win over potential employers along with my ability to charm them and sell myself in the interviews. Year after year, I would scratch off a goal that I had accomplished and I would move to the next.

 

After committing my life to Christ, I finally started to find value in myself. I never had a father that sat me down to tell me my worth and value and help me set standards and expectations. I was never hugged, kissed, tucked into bed by my mother or father, in fact I was severely neglected in all areas and when you deprive human touch, warmth, love, encouragement, comfort from a child, unfortunately they thirst for it all their lives. My endless thirst left a long trail of broken relationships and insecurity took place of confidence. I had to diligently seek God (Hebrews 11:6) and ask Him to help me see myself as He sees me to find out that I am valuable. I was never abandoned or alone. I had a mother, father and a husband. The Lord was all of that and more. He never left me. I just didn’t see Him there. He showed me how valuable I am and offered healing waters so that I may never thirst again. (John 4:13)

 

Let your TEST become your TESTimony!