| Tellyourtestimony URL: |
| http://www.tellyourtestimony.com/DeannaVictor |
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| Deanna's Journals |
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Deanna does not current have any journals.
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| Marketplace Ministry |
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| Status Update |
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Scott is playing with his new Zune! :) 20 hours ago...
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Scott is sore from snowshoeing! 59 hours ago...
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Scott hopes everyone has a wonderful and Blessed New Year! 118 hours ago...
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jones is on fasing prayer for three days for the children in difficult situation.remember me in ur p 180 hours ago...
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deep condoloences sara, take courage Jesus loves you 227 hours ago...
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| Deanna's Testimony |
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I don't know my biological father. I was raised by many different people; foster parents,a drug addicted mother,who in her earlier days was a prostitute, an alcoholic grandmother, an alcoholic grandfather, a drug addicted and mentally unstable aunt, and a rageful drug addicted uncle. Due to the kind of people I was raised by my enviroment and lifestyle was one of fear, pain, neglect, abuse, molestation, ustablity, poverty, violence, and uncertainty. As a young child I remember always eating, I would eat the uneaten food from my younger siblings plate, I would always want seconds, and I would sneak food when no one was looking. At the time I was not aware that I was eating in order to calm myself and or comfort myself, but as I began to gain weight my relatives and society made it clear that my weight had become an issue, and I became aware that I was very different then alot of my relatives and or people. Or was I? As an adult the only difference I have noticed now is that my addiciton can't really be hidden, my obesity makes it very clear that I have an obession with food, and that my life is unmangable and I'm out of control. In moving from relative to relative I never stayed in one school for too long, but in every school I attended I encountered many fat jokes and cruel names. I felt as though I was an outcast. I only had a handful of people that I considered to be my friends as I entered high school. I kept to myself and did not interact with other teens that much. I had very low self~esteem, and I felt unworthy of having friends. I had a fear of possibly making someone feel uncomfortable or embarresed if they were to befriend me, therfore I made it a point to come to school only to learn and not socialize. I resided with my grandmother for most of my high school days and as a young teenager I longed for my grandmother to accept and love me as I was, but being her first grandchild she was disapointed in me being obese. As a young girl she would make promises of purchasing me materalistic objects if I would lose weight, but I knew there would be no way of reaching that goal as long as she made it a ritual to give me money to buy McDonalds as she drank in a near~by bar. In my senior year of high school I met a young man named Steve who showed interest in me, and for the first time I found myself welcoming the attention. Eventhough I was fully aware that my Grandmother would never approve of him, due to him being African-American, we began to share alot of time toghether and decided that we would connect as boyfriend and girlfriend, about six months into our commitment I chose to give my virginity to him. And soon after that my Grandmother demanded that I leave her house becasue she found out that I was having a close relationship with a black man. Heather, one of my friends at school, whom I really cared for and enjoyed being friends with had asked her parents if I could live with them temporially until I moved to Bakersfield to attend college. Heather's family welcomed me with love and understanding, however they did set down rules that I was to obey while staying with them. They were a Christian family and I was encouraged to attend church with them every Sunday, which I did, becasue I enjoyed being part of a real family. I had a wonderful experiance and felt true love while living with the Boucier's. After a little under a year I had moved out and moved away to attend Bakersfield college. Steve had moved to the area along with me. I found a room to rent from a family close to the college and Steve moved into his adoptive mothers house. I wanted to share every waking moment with him, I became obessed with his attention and the long talks of getting married, haveing kids and enjoying life together as one. It was unbeliveable and exciting that someone wanted me to be a part of their life. But most of all I felt accepted and cared about. I found myself losing interest in school and began to miss several classes just to spend time with Steve, in doing so I became irresponsible, and unbalanced. I dropped out of college without even completing a semester. The family I was staying with had become tired of my mistakes and selfishness and they asked me to leave. I quickly decided to move back to the town were I had lived as a young teen and Steve followed me there too. It was very stressful due to the both of us living with my drug addicted and mentally unbalanced aunt, until we could afford a place of our own. She was verbally abusive to the both of us. We were called degrading names, and she taunted Steve daily, puting him down and treating him like a child. She manipulated us financially, and used our situation as a means to obtain control and power over us. Steve moved back to Bakersfield with a relative, while I stayed to save money and get a place for the both of us. It was agonizing and painful to be apart from Steve, our long distance relationship lasted for about a year, and then Steve and I were reunited once again. We rented a small studio and began our adult lives as one. I registered into the community college and was holding down two jobs, Steve on the other hand could not keep a job, he was lazy when it came to responsibility, and his interest and actions were of a young teenage boy, and as time went on I became resentful and started to feel as though I was being used. I was the one budgeting the money, paying the bills, buying the food,clothes,and the household products, while Steve engaged in all his hobbies and interest. It seemed as if I was more of a mother to him rather than a girlfriend. I made Steve my God for over seven years and even though I had become a zombie in our relatinship I had allowed myself to play house with him due to my lonliness and fear. I had learned how to be a professional co-dependent by watching my mother and my grandmother in their relationships with men, and I received an A+ with Steve. Because of my lack of communicatin I began to physically abuse Steve when I needed attention, or when I did not like what was taking place in our relationship, he began to return the same abuse. It was difficult to give up this man eventhough our relationship became violent and abusive. Close to the end of our relationship we both began to step outside of our commitment to each other by flirting with other people or by entertaining the idea of seeing other people but it was truly over when I confronted him on having had sexual relations with one of my co-workers of whom I had considered to be a caring friend to me. I was so hurt and felt so betrayed. The day he finally addmitted it, I questioned myself for hours~ Who would ever love me again? Who would be willing to accept my problem of obestity? Who would want an unhealthy person like me to share their life with? I was even trying to convince myself that I could just pretend that it never happend and just re-start the whole vicious cycle of sick love with him again, but deep down I knew that this was a turning point in our unhealthy relationship. My questions quickly turned to self hate and I began to feed myself all kinds of negitive thoughts and ideas of suicide. I had no one to turn to for suport or to help me work through my pain and heart ache. Its somewhat strange and I don't even remember picking up the phone and dialing, but all of a sudden I ended up on the phone with another one of my co-workers that day, strange becasue I had not spoken to her much since she decied that she was going to turn from her wicked ways and choose to be "A Born Again Christian". Every time I saw her she was always talking about that Jesus stuff, always trying to show me scripture and telling me that Jesus loves me, and I would say, "I know, I know...Jesus and me we're cool, he knows me and he loves me just the way, I'm. (Boy was I ignorant to the truth) All I remember her saying that day was, "I'll be there to pick you up for church in an hour." I of course had no desire to be at church listinig to a boring sermon and to hear a whole bunch of, "Amen", Thank You Jesus, Preach it brother's. But as much as I wanted to keep my appointment with Death, My now Lord and Savior said, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." (Isaiah 55.8). That night at church I accepted Christ into my heart and asked to be forgiven of my sin. I really don't even know the words to describe the metamorphosis that took place as Jesus came into my heart and began to clean house. I started to think different, I started to speak different, I started to behave different, I began to look at people with different eyes. My speach was one of understanding, patience, and love. I was excited and could not wait to attend church every chance I got, and for the first time ever I was picking up the bible and I was actually understanding it, I was inthrawled with the people of the old testiment, I wept, I rejoyced, I got angry and I was in awe of God's Mercy, grace, wisdom, power and love. The new testiment is evidence of how deep the extent of God's desire is to have a personal relationship with his creation. All the wonderful miricles our lord performed in the name of love and salvation. The bible shouts out LOVE and LOVE and more LOVE....The map that God has given all of us as a means to live our lives while we are in this temprol home. The powerful and heart wrenching truths of many people putting their faith in the Messiah and choosing to follow him even through all the persecution. God leaves nothing out..No room for confusion, doubt, compromise, division, earthly intelligence, self works, fame, lies, worry or darkness. God covers it *All*! The more of Gods word I had read the closer God came, the scales were removed from my eyes, the shackles were loosened from my heart and my old man was dying..I could literly feel a trasformation taking place and true joy sprang up out of me like a fountian overflowing, it was evident that I had become a new creation in Christ Jesus. How wonderful and exciting to learn that when I or someone comes to Christ and receives salvation All the Angles in heaven throw a big party singing, dancing and praising God! On many occasions I have asked myself, "what is it like for All the angels to rejoice in heaven, what would it sound like, what would it look like, what would it feel like?" I don't even think we as humans could come close to the reality of it. I was so hungry to be feed by God's word, I took my bible everywhere I went; on the bus, to the park, to the store, to my friends house, to work, to the bathroom ect.... I could not put it down! God has taught me so many things, He has shared so many revelations with me, and has proven his self over and over again to me. He has never left me, although many times I have swayed and pulled back from him. I received Christ back in 1994 and I must say that today I long for the first day in which I received HIM. I have my spirt-led days but have also encountered my share of soul-led days and I long to be obediant to Christ so that he does not spew me out of his mouth. I realize that I have no power over my life, I only have the power to choose to serve him with all my heart, soul, and mind. "Who I'm I, that He should want to be close to me, care for me, think about me, want good for me, protect me, nurture me, teach me, and give me his unconditional love?" I have asked myself that many times since I choose to move far away from HIM.. Not long after I was saved I allowed Satan to come in and choke out the truth of God with the fears, worries, greed, self gradification, wants and desires of this world. I give me current status in hopes that no one stays a baby in Christ or moves backwards in serving HIM. I'm extemily miserable and in torment constantly! *Thank you Jesus that YOU dont' make my disobediance comfortable* I attend my church here and there (but not connected) I attend a woman's bible study on Saturday's (but not fully devoted) I read my bible here and there (but not daily) I pray here and there (but not consistantly) I view christian related subjects on life,love ect.. (but don't apply the teachings) I periodicly listen to Christian music (but not solely).
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Deanna's Testimony Info
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Which categories of people did you belonged to before you were saved?
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The Abandonded, The Abused, The Unaware, Other
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| Who have been your best examples? |
God "Jehovah" his son "Jesus", Joseph Carter III, and Alicia Kelly
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| List books, music or ministries that have helped your walk: |
"The Bible" by God~Jehovah,
"Purpose driven life" by Rick
Warren, "Approval Addiction" by Joyce Meyer. A variety of Christian music has ministered to me, Carmen,Kirk Franklin, MercyMe, Third~Day, Casting Crowns, Jaci Valasquez, T~Bone, Angelo & Veronica, Donald Lawrence, Yolanda Adams, Ce Ce Winans, Sonic flood, Swithfoot, Andrae Crouche, Michael W. Smith, Nicole C. Mullins, and many more. My favorite T.V. pastor is John Hagee. I also enjoy Charles Stanley,Joel Osteen,and of course "Radiant Life" my church.
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| List ministries you are involved with: |
None currently, but if God willing....I would like to be in the childrens ministry.
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| List ministry websites: |
I don't have a ministry web site, however these are the ones I like to frequent the most.
www.jhm.org/
www.godtube.com/
www.joelosteen.com/site/PageServer
bible.com/
www.intouch.org/
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Church:
Church website:
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| Prayer requests: |
I'm currently living in sin with my 1 year old daughters father. We both claim to be Christians, but we both lack in displaying the fruits of the spirit. This man claims that he was saved at a very young age, however I'm uncertain if he really is saved.I have been living in sin with him for more than seven years. I have slapped God in his face and have made a choice to be disobedient in regards to this man. Our relationship is one of unhealthiness. He has been addicted to Meth for over 20 years,he has been in many treatment programs while we have been together, but he has picked-up over and over again. I have been drained physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually! Currently he is clean, however he could pick-up tomorrow. I have encountered many consequences due to my disobedience. We are both in a vicious cycle of sin. I'm so miserable and angry, angry at myself, God, and this man. I'm so rageful and mean. It has become a ritual for me to slash and wound him with my ugly tongue. I have become such a negative person, it seems as though all my mouth speaks is death and sickness. I'm destroying all those around me. My baby is in the middle of all this sin. I don't deserve her, I don't understand why God has given me such a beautiful gift. I feel so guilty..I'm destroying her spirit (God please help me) I have received alot of advice from many different Christians; Get married.Get your daughter and leave the house immediately. Leave him until he gets clean,gets a job,and can support himself. Stay and wait on the Lord to speak to you. I know that I need to be in the bible more, I need to be consitant in my prayer, I need to fellowship more with other Christians. I want to do the right thing. I don't want to make a mistake. So many circumstances within our situation. I don't want our daughter to suffer due to our sin, but I fear the sickness has already manifested itself. God help me, I'm deep in my sin and feel so trapped. My way is not working and never will! I need for God to open the doors I'm to walk through and close those that I'm not. I'm such a wicked, stubborn,selfish person...God be firm with me, and take him away from my daughter and I if that is your plan, if not equip the both of us with the desire to serve you and be obediant to your plan for our lives. I'm lost and scared, help me father God and forgive me.
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| Occupation/Business/School: |
Patient Biller III
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| Business Website: |
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