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| http://www.tellyourtestimony.com/CarrieSchmidt |
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| Status Update |
Carrie says:"Here I am Lord Take me. Use me. Send me out. I am willing, I am able"
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Carrie says:"Here I am Lord Take me. Use me. Send me out. I am willing, I am able" 3 hours ago...
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Carrie says:"Here I am Lord Take me Use me. Send me out. I am willing I am able. 3 hours ago...
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Carrie says:"Here I am Lord Take me Use me. Send me out. I want to go into the dark places and show 3 hours ago...
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Scott is working on a cool new feature for the site! 6 hours ago...
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Happy Birthday Dal1 - I hope you have a great day! 8 hours ago...
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| Carrie's Testimony |
It was in British Columbia where I first became a Christian I was around the age of eight....stupid idea because I only done it to make my parents happy. (Meanwhile it never worked anyway they were abusive in all ways....I usually tried to block out the hitting and name calling) Well it wasn't a stupid idea but the motives were obviously wrong. Anyway...so I was a Christian, yet I have had things done to me and I have done so much I really felt that God didn't want me or love me. I was touched by a boy in church when I was nine...I figured okay that is supposed to happen I guess...how was I supposed to know at age nine that it was wrong. I had a babysitter masturbate with me sitting in front of him....that was the way I could stay up later. (God have mercy on these people). My dad had stacks of mens magazines...and was not a father figure to look up to back then. My older brother and mother used to hit me as well. Then we moved to Ontario, away from my friends and all I knew. Then life seemed to take a drastic turn for the worse. I felt like an outcast in my new school, everyone new each other and here I was an outsider. I struggled through grade five-eight...meanwhile getting into smoking, drinking. My brother still being abusive and parents. I was Suspended from grade seven and eight to many times to count. Then on to high school....fun wow...ya right. I met a guy who I thought loved me...hahahaha how funny my way of thinking was back then. He was an abuser and a rapist. He used me for what ever he wanted, he even wanted me to have sex with his brother, I refused. He cheated on me, gave me drugs..like cocaine, acid, pot, whatever else we could get our hands on. I was fourteen when I met him....all the while I was still getting abused at home, my dad and mom both hit me, and mentally abused me. My dad and brother both sexually abused me....but anyway. About five years after leaving home I asked my dad why he did this...his response was I am sorry BUT is you weren't my daughter you don't know what I would like to do to you. Needless to say this is why I have a hard time referring to God as Father (and for that i am sorry) My boyfriend whom I still thought loved me( ya the one who got me hooked on drugs and drinking) ended up getting me pregnant...at 14 I had her after my 15th birthday. He obviously didn't want anything to do with it....so I was on my own. I stayed at my parents house during my pregnancy...HOORAY I didn't get hit. I tried staying at home after my daughter was born...it just didn't work.
I went back to school a week later and was taking care of my daughter and my little brother, my little sister as well as trying to help around the house because both parents were working. I couldn't handle it, so I OD'd on sleeping pills....but then a small voice in my head was saying to me "What about your daughter?" :( I had a friend take me to the E.R, well needless to say my parents didn't seem to care then either. I remember my dad saying to me "Next time your going to try that you'd better make sure you do it right" (well he said it meaner and uglier than this). I had enough I had to get out of there. I took my daughter and stayed with friends. She then got put in foster care..I partied cause the one thing that I had in life was gone...it sucked. I ended up on the streets of Toronto...where I at 15 turned my first trick...I ended up in Hamilton after awhile and done the same thing. I thought I was in control...ya right. I met (my husband) near the end of 1990 and moved in with him...(yet the prostitution didn't stop) we got our oldest back after nine months. Another man whom I thought loved me...it is funny how we think that love is supposed to hurt when that is all you know. Abuse, abuse and more abuse. He's sexually abused me, he has hit me, broke my nose and has mentally abused me....went to strip joints, so I made him take me to one and I got a job as a dancer for a month or so, I couldn't do that to my kids... In Canada you have to dance fully nude:( but that didn't bother him, but working at a bar fully clothed did bug him...GO FIGURE.so I became a drunk,and a drug user( in secret) I needed to handle the pain some way. Needless to say that made things worse...he started drinking as well. Talk about a bad mix. I really should be dead. I hung off a bridge while drunk during his name calling rage just so he would leave...he left and went home. Meanwhile in my head I am thinking boy if this was him jumping over the edge of the bridge I would see if he was okay...but anyway....I was a cutter,anorexic,bulimic, have dabbled in the occult, have been suicidal and attempted suicide many different times. I thought his brother in law was cool to...manic depressive he is. Came over one night asking to talk...my husband was like ya go ahead....well he ended up raping me...I got out of the car on a dark, deserted road and started walking.Even after we moved he would stalk me...coming over late at night...I remember I would sit with the lights off, in total darkness...begging God to have him leave as he would stand outside yelling at me and pounding on the door...I prayed all the time the kids would not be wakened from this. Thank God they weren't. I have been raped by others (including members of the family...thank God they are no longer part of the family) so it wasn't the first time, nor the last. Men in my life then were all abusive and haters. I have had four abortions and five miscarriages (most likely due to the scar tissue and damage I done to my body due to the abortions)....even though my husband told me at the beginning of our relationship that him and his family don't believe in that or hitting woman...guess HE DID. Anyway I thought I would make men pay...hey they would take what they want for free anyway...so I made men pay...my brother in law, other so called male friends that we had, people that I would meet at the bar. I felt in control....was I wrong....prostitution does not make you in control. I started viewing porn (which I hate, go figure and all the things that go along with it) My family was going to downhill fast. my husband, me and our two daughters moved to Port. We still drank, still abusive, I was still selling myself. All the while our daughters seen it all.(other than the prostitution) Lord help them to heal...please. My kids started to go to a church here(even though we were going to one where we lived before it was moslty for show, because it was my husbands families church)Anyway my kids got me going, then their dad...yet we were still drinking, My husband had mens magazines in his possession which made me feel even worse about myself, which in turn made me drink more. and I was still doing all the other stuff...abusive etc. I met my friend Sherry a devoted Christian...thank God for blessing me with her. I rededicated my life four years ago now yet the partying didn't stop. I thought well I rededicated my life I am going to Heaven.Who was I kidding???My friend, God does not punish us but there are consequences to all our sin...especially when we claim to be a follower of him. His love for us never dies but man were things going down hill fast. I thought I was in control...but I was spiraling out of control and so was my family. My kids hated the fighting and the drinking...I remember how they would scream at my husband and I to stop all the (swear word) fighting and we would just keep at it. They would try to break us up while we were hitting each other or calling each other very hurtful names. Names I would not even call my worst enemy. They actually hated me...I knew that it was time for me to stop what I was doing or my children would hate me forever or go down the path I was facing. I DID NOT want that for them.
I finally woke up (GOD woke me up) I didn't want to live that way anymore...it was dragging me down, I couldn't keep using my past because it was destroying my future that GOD had planned for me....and for my family. (Lord bring healing to my children) I am no longer a drunk, I thank the Lord for releasing me from the the temptation to drink. I stopped smoking almost three years ago now...thank you JESUS. It has been about four years since I last prostituted myself...or done drugs.
My family and I attend Morgans Point Church....I have started a womens group in my home every Wednesday. I have finished an abortion healing group and am in the process of another for sexual abuse healing. God is my strength and I know that once all the healing is finished I may move forward in my walk with Christ...to where He wants me to be.
My husband drives truck, God blessed him with an awesome job. I get a little lonely with him gone most of the week...but I thank God for providing him with a job:) With GOD'S help we are moving forward...one day at a time. My husband doesn't drink anymore either. Don't get me wrong life is not full of happy things all the time I get depressed once in awhile and God is still working on me with my swearing and temper (which is far better now than it used to be THANK YOU JESUS)...but I know look toward GOD and his way, the path he wants me to go. He Is my ROCK, My FORTRESS, My STRENGTH.
I still have blah days...but I know that is the devil trying to play tricks on me because that is what he does. GOD is BIGGER than the devil that is why GOD is above and he is below. My daughters are 18 and going to be 15, I pray that GOD protects them and guides them...so they don't have to go through as much as I have or others have. That is not what GOD wants....I wish I would of heard his voice a little clearer or listened a little better before. But then again where would I be now if I did. I really do feel that we all go through things in our past...to help those in the present.
I pray everyday to hear God's voice not the voice that wants to ruin me and my family. I am NOT perfect, we all stumble...but God picks me back up and dusts me off. And that is a good feeling...that he will never leave me, or forsake me. He is still working on me one day at a time...I still have a long way to go. But I am on the right path now, and with God's help I will get stronger. I look forward to what God has planned for my life...to serving Him and stepping out in faith and following where He leads.
Thank you GOD for saving me from self destruction and death.
Psalm 18:2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress,and my deliverer,my God, my mountain where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
thank you Jesus for being my strength when I am weak.
God brought me through this because he has a bigger plan for my life. A much bigger plan than I can ever imagine. I am not saying that life is all peaches and cream...but my hope is found in him...he is my rock...,my strength...my shield. He protected me from death over and over again because HE LOVES ME, and he loves you the same way. Just believe, have faith....put your YOUR HOPE in HIM. Cry out to him, ask him to forgive you and those who have hurt you, ask him to help you heal. Confess all to him...and feel the weight of the world being lifted off your shoulders. Confess your sins and accept his free gift of salvation. YES we ARE ALL SINNERS...not just you but we all are. Cry out to Jesus...let him help you...let him save you. It is not an easy path,but it is one of hope,peace and love. Accept him...he will always accept you JUST AS YOU ARE...you DO NOT need to be perfect, because he loves you as you are. I pray peace to all who are reading this and have decided to follow Jesus and his path.
Remember that you are worth dying for...that makes you very special...no matter where you've been, what you've done or still may be doing. Hold on...peace,blessings and hugs to every person who is reading this and feels that there is no way out...remember there is always a way
My plans bring me DOWN...God's plans lift me UP
to all who read this I hope and pray that you will seek God because...HE IS THE ULTIMATE HIGH
I love you and God loves you. You need NOT be perfect to come to Him...He loves you just as you are GOD BLESS
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Carrie's Testimony Info
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Which categories of people did you belonged to before you were saved?
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The Partier, The Abused, Other
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| Who have been your best examples? |
Jesus is the Ultimate example. My friend Sherry Hoover, Shelley Lubben, Annie Lobert, and all those
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| List books, music or ministires that have helped your walk |
The Bible the more I read it, the more interesting it becomes:)
Redeeming Love and any other books by Francine Rivers.
when Joy Came to Stay by Karen Kingsbury.
there are to many books to list..lol
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| List ministries you are involved with. |
I am currently involved with the teen youth group at my church
The Lord has placed it on my heart to have a ladies lunch every Wednesday in my home. A place where ladies can get together, have lunch,share with each other, pray and have a devotion as well. I have been doing this for about a year and a half.
Also Shelley had generously asked me to be a moderator in her forum at ShelleyLubben.com
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Church:
Church Website:
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| Prayer Requests: |
Please pray that the fire will continue to burn in me as the Lord is teaching me and preparing me for what ever it is that HE wants me to be doing:) as well please pray that this depression will completely go away forever.
thanks
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