I was born again at 9, but for various reasons I strayed. For a long time I was convinced that I was going to hell because of it.

    Years of drug abuse and bad decisions had taken their toll on my life and there came a point when I was sure I could not be forgiven.  I had willingly done too many things wrong.

    Somewhere in that mess I began to tell myself that I had better enjoy life now while I still can because this was it. Hell would be--well it would be hell!

    Meanwhile, I began to feel an unexplainable sense of urgency to prepare....for what? I didn't know. All I knew was that things were changing and time was getting short.

    I always believed that there was a God. And I knew He wasn't happy with me. My concept of Him was that He sat up there on His throne with that cosmic fly swatter just waiting for me to give Him another reason... I began to think that maybe I could escape the coming wrath. Maybe this God wasn't what we all thought He was after all. I began to reason that intelligent people didn't need such crutches as religion... You know the arguments.

    Anyways, I thought maybe I was missing something. Maybe if I could find a logical explanation for the illogical I might be able to rest easier. I was literally having a hard time sleeping at night. The urgency of things on the horizon was very dark and troubling. Even more so since I didn't understand what was happening.

    I dabbled in mysticism from time to time back then. I used crystals, read the old Hopi Indian prophecies that told of the doom to come and where the "Golden Cities" would be. These were places of sanctuary where there would be divine protection. There are supposedly going to be 5 Golden City Vortexes here in the US during what was called "The Times of Changes"  I was convinced that I needed to move to one of these areas and soon.

    I also saw a program on TV where there was some speculation as to whether there were alien visitations back during biblical times. I'm sure you have seen them. They say Ezekiel, Daniel--Moses all were either witnesses to UFO's or even possibly abducted--(Enoch...) I began to look in the Bible for clues myself. I was pretty sure that there were other forms of life out there, and maybe this was the explanation I was looking for. I even heard some say that all these legends about a so called God were actually stories about an alien race that was coming back here to enslave the human race and take over the planet! Maybe this was why I was so antsy! Maybe the spirits were trying to warn me... --though I questioned the motives of an all powerful God there was no doubt in my mind as to the reality of the spiritual realm. I knew it was real.-- I had seen things...

    In retrospect I know that God was trying to draw me back to Him. The Spirit that was trying to warn me was The Holy Spirit! I was sealed. I was His, and He wanted me back! Oh! I get all charged up even now when I think about it! 

    I began to read the Bible looking for my "answers" but then something began to take hold in my own spirit. I couldn't put it down. I read and read and read until I was done and I turned back to Genesis and began again, with another question in my heart; Could I be forgiven after all? God is real. The more I read the Bible, the less I cared about the other stuff. in fact I got rid of the crystals, books and maps. They were foolishness. I was sure of it now.

    During those times there was all sorts of other upheavals in my life. Separation from an alcoholic husband who was decidedly atheist. There were many years of reconciliations and separations for us. for almost 6 out of 11 years I never completely unpacked. I would no sooner get settled back in and he would decide to go on a binger and throw us out (my daughter endured through all of this with me, though she was a confessed Christian)

    During one of these separations, I began to pray. I knew what the Bible said about divorce, but I also knew I couldn't go on like this much longer. I asked His forgiveness and guidance.

    One thing I have learned over the years; Ask and ye shall receive ... That whole week was a string of small miracles. A job where they assured me they weren't hiring, teamed up with a Spirit Filled, tongue talking, Christian who invited me to his church, healed of a debilitating back injury, and restored to the Lord and on that same night I saw for the first time in my life, the true power of God in manifestation.  I was terrified yet drawn to it. One thing was certain: I found peace that night like I had never known before! I wanted more. My life was never the same after that! Eventually I was restored yet again to my husband and there were several more separations. (God will give us every possible opportunity to turn to Him) But there came a time when God delivered me from that.

    My life has not been a bowl of cherries by any definition of the word, I have made mistakes --big ones too, but I have also tasted and seen that the Lord is good. I am staying right here in His courts, continually striving to improve.

    There are a lot of things in my life I am not proud of, that God has turned to my benefit.  Maybe I will find the courage to write about them here at a later date. Each chapter in my torrid life has an interesting story to tell (or so some of my friends tell me) What I find inspiring is just how God works in our lives in spite of the mistakes we make. How He allows us to rise above and see the forest for the trees once in a while. And no matter how desolate things look, He's always there. It's amazing!